Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Israel as terrorists - as seen from the Daily Telegraph letters page
25th July 2006
Sir - Your report (July 22) on celebrations in Israel to mark the bombing of the King David Hotel in 1946 is a timely reminder that Israel was largely created through terror.
The slaughter at the King David, the assassinations of Lord Moyne and the UN mediator, Count Bernadotte, and the massacre of the Arab villagers of Deir Yassin are landmarks in a campaign not only to liberate Palestine from its British mandate administrators, but also to cleanse it of the race that formed the vast majority of its inhabitants for 1,000 years.
I offer this update of John Harington's 400-year old couplet on treason: Terror never triumphs. Where's the error?
If it triumphs, none dare call it terror.
Martin Short, London NW3
Sir - Your report (July 22) on celebrations in Israel to mark the bombing of the King David Hotel in 1946 is a timely reminder that Israel was largely created through terror.
The slaughter at the King David, the assassinations of Lord Moyne and the UN mediator, Count Bernadotte, and the massacre of the Arab villagers of Deir Yassin are landmarks in a campaign not only to liberate Palestine from its British mandate administrators, but also to cleanse it of the race that formed the vast majority of its inhabitants for 1,000 years.
I offer this update of John Harington's 400-year old couplet on treason: Terror never triumphs. Where's the error?
If it triumphs, none dare call it terror.
Martin Short, London NW3
Friday, January 20, 2006
Dating - The Commandments
You go on a date with someone and apart from the fact that you realize that they are not right for you [or maybe you are not sure anyhow] they get fundamentals of how to conduct a date wrong and ruin their chances of making a good impression (with someone who might be right for them) so here are the commandments
• Empathy and humour are essential on a date
• Show that you are good at give and take show you can be flexible
• Remember you are both are probably nervous and not at best. First dates are the worst - so don't expect too much.
• Make an effort for the evening to be enjoyable even if you realise within 30 secs that you are not interested (egos are fragile)
• Try and put the date at their ease.
Etiquette
• Apologize if late. Send a text message or call if possible if running late
• Switch off mobile/cell when date starts
• Ask where they would like to go (never impose your wants or opinions (general) but in this case have some back-up ideas incase they have no suggestions or too shy to say).
• Don't obviously look at your watch
• Don't swear excessively
• Don't smoke (without asking first)
• Make eye contact (if possible)
• Clean Hair, breath, Teeth,
• Clothes (don't turn up to first date in grotty old sweatshirt etc if going to fancy restaurant),
• Remember your table manners - not talking and eating simultaneously, picking teeth, nose, belly button
What to say/Not to say
• Don't just talk about yourself or show off (character is an important as achievements) or put the date down
• Listen and respond when asking questions
• Make it a conversation (so follow up tangential leads from your dates responses) not just your personal list of life requirement related questions.
• Don't talk about money or what people earn or how much the restaurant date is costing
• Don't disparage people (especially not by name - you never know who they know)
• Don't sing loudly (this happened to a friend of mine recently - he felt that his chazanuut talents were a heard to be believed deal maker) or draw attention to yourself in public (your date might want this to be quiet, discreet experience)
• General dating jokes might be okay in moderation but Don't moan incessantly about your life, dating, exes etc.
• Never even ever sound desperate
• Boys try and complement the girl just a "you look nice" will do
• Offer to pay (first date) and to split (from then on). Don't make a big deal about it.
• Thank date for the evening at the end.
• Let date or shadchan know if you want to meet again within a reasonable timescale.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Are You Single?
Chatted up after shul by a creepy older bloke who I have noticed staring at me over the mechitzah during hagba -after a couple of introductory sentences on his part -Creepy Older Bloke "Are you going to the Kiddush?"
Me - "No"
COB "Why not"
Me "It's a big communal kiddush and I don't like those because these are a big bun fight [without any buns]and you can't even get close to the tables."
Then he came out with the killer question
Now I didn't want to say "yes" incase it encouraged him. I didn't want to say "no" because I was on semi-holy land - the cloakroom of the shul - I couldn't lie.
I guess we are always single sometimes - for some of us [myself included] sometimes = most of the time. It was the first retort that popped into my head - but thinking about it - anyone could see that it meant - "yes" because unless I was trying to be anonyingly arch and flirty - if I really wasn't single at the time I would have no problem in saying "no".
What should I have said?
Can anyone think of a better reply?
Me - "No"
COB "Why not"
Me "It's a big communal kiddush and I don't like those because these are a big bun fight [without any buns]and you can't even get close to the tables."
Then he came out with the killer question
"Are you single"
Now I didn't want to say "yes" incase it encouraged him. I didn't want to say "no" because I was on semi-holy land - the cloakroom of the shul - I couldn't lie.
So I said "sometimes"I then buttoned up my coat double quick and trotted out of the room as fast as my little legs could take me.
I guess we are always single sometimes - for some of us [myself included] sometimes = most of the time. It was the first retort that popped into my head - but thinking about it - anyone could see that it meant - "yes" because unless I was trying to be anonyingly arch and flirty - if I really wasn't single at the time I would have no problem in saying "no".
What should I have said?
Can anyone think of a better reply?
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Etgar Keret: Can we atone for all sins
Atonement
By ETGAR KERET
JBooks.com is proud to publish the following short story, by Israeli writer Etgar Keret. “Atonement,” which concerns both the High Holidays and domestic violence, was translated by Miriam Shlesinger. This is its premier appearance in English.
Right to his face she said it, on the front steps of the synagogue. Soon as they'd walked out, even before he'd had a chance to put the yarmulke back in his pocket. She made him let go of her hand and told him that he was an animal, that he'd better never dare talk to her that way again, dragging her out like she was some piece of goods. And she said it out loud too, people could hear it. People who worked with him, even the rabbi, but that didn't stop her from raising her voice. He should've slapped her right then and there, should've shoved her right down the stairs. But like an idiot, he waited till they got home. And then, when he beat her, she seemed so taken aback. Like a dog that you hit for shitting on the carpet when so much time has passed that the shit is all dry. He kept at it, smacking her across the face, and she shouted, "Menachem, Menachem!" as if the person beating her was some stranger and she was crying out for him to come and save her. "Menachem, Menachem!" she cringed in the corner. "Menachem, Menachem," and he gave her a kick in the ribs.
As he moved away from her to light a cigarette, he noticed the spot of blood on his Yom Kippur shoes, and he looked at her again and saw a red crescent on the dress he'd bought her for the holidays. The crescent kept growing fuller. She must have been bleeding from the nose. He pulled up a dining-room chair and sat down with his back to her, facing the electric clock. Behind him he could hear her crying. He could hear the moans as she kept trying to get back on her feet, the thump as she slipped back into her corner. The hands of the electric clock were moving at an alarming speed, and he loosened his belt, gave up the back of the chair and tilted his body forward.
"I'm sorry," he heard her whimper from the corner. "I'm sorry, Menachem. I didn't mean it, really, forgive me." And he forgave her and so did God, and the timing was truly perfect, with only thirty seconds to go till it's too late to offer forgiveness.
Etgar Keret is the author of "The Nimrod Flip-Out" and "The Busdriver Who Wanted To Be God."
By ETGAR KERET
JBooks.com is proud to publish the following short story, by Israeli writer Etgar Keret. “Atonement,” which concerns both the High Holidays and domestic violence, was translated by Miriam Shlesinger. This is its premier appearance in English.
Right to his face she said it, on the front steps of the synagogue. Soon as they'd walked out, even before he'd had a chance to put the yarmulke back in his pocket. She made him let go of her hand and told him that he was an animal, that he'd better never dare talk to her that way again, dragging her out like she was some piece of goods. And she said it out loud too, people could hear it. People who worked with him, even the rabbi, but that didn't stop her from raising her voice. He should've slapped her right then and there, should've shoved her right down the stairs. But like an idiot, he waited till they got home. And then, when he beat her, she seemed so taken aback. Like a dog that you hit for shitting on the carpet when so much time has passed that the shit is all dry. He kept at it, smacking her across the face, and she shouted, "Menachem, Menachem!" as if the person beating her was some stranger and she was crying out for him to come and save her. "Menachem, Menachem!" she cringed in the corner. "Menachem, Menachem," and he gave her a kick in the ribs.
As he moved away from her to light a cigarette, he noticed the spot of blood on his Yom Kippur shoes, and he looked at her again and saw a red crescent on the dress he'd bought her for the holidays. The crescent kept growing fuller. She must have been bleeding from the nose. He pulled up a dining-room chair and sat down with his back to her, facing the electric clock. Behind him he could hear her crying. He could hear the moans as she kept trying to get back on her feet, the thump as she slipped back into her corner. The hands of the electric clock were moving at an alarming speed, and he loosened his belt, gave up the back of the chair and tilted his body forward.
"I'm sorry," he heard her whimper from the corner. "I'm sorry, Menachem. I didn't mean it, really, forgive me." And he forgave her and so did God, and the timing was truly perfect, with only thirty seconds to go till it's too late to offer forgiveness.
Etgar Keret is the author of "The Nimrod Flip-Out" and "The Busdriver Who Wanted To Be God."
Friday, September 02, 2005
Katrina - Let them eat lip gloss
Death and destruction on the streets of New Orleans, horrifying pictures on the news, terrible stories of anarchy, rape, lack of food and water and I get this email from ELF cosmetics. Call me a cynic but this seems to me to be opportunistic advertising thinly masquarading as philanthropy, if they were offering to donate money it would be one thing but this seems in horrible taste. Maybe I should be more appreciative of the psychological healing properties of a nice shade of lippy... sex and the city philosophy made real??
The proof of residence should be real easy when you've lost everything.
An email from Eyes Lips Face Cosmetics customerservice@eyeslipsface.com
In response to the devastating effects of hurracne Katrina E.L.F. cosmetics has created 10,000 Hurricane Relief Kits that include pressed powder, shimmering facial whip for the eyes, lip moisteriser, facial gloss and mascara. These relief kits will be shipped directly to those affected by the hurricane in an effort to get people back on track. Proof of residence will be required.
The proof of residence should be real easy when you've lost everything.
An email from Eyes Lips Face Cosmetics customerservice@eyeslipsface.com
In response to the devastating effects of hurracne Katrina E.L.F. cosmetics has created 10,000 Hurricane Relief Kits that include pressed powder, shimmering facial whip for the eyes, lip moisteriser, facial gloss and mascara. These relief kits will be shipped directly to those affected by the hurricane in an effort to get people back on track. Proof of residence will be required.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Stand up 4 Israel
Jews are revolting.
Revolting against anti-Israel sentiment in the media.
Revolting against the bias of the BBC.
Revolting against the carefully edited TV reports and one-sided press comment. Revolting against the media silence from the leaders of our community.
We need to fight the media war where its taking place - in the media. We want the Community to rally behind an advertising campaign, delivering our message in paid-for space beyond the reach of editors' spin and imbalance. A strong simple campaign of facts, created by experts, generating far greater impact than a thousand letters or wordy emails. It doesn't mean that we will stop lobbying for fair reporting from the BBC but we need to make Israel's case now.
Revolting against anti-Israel sentiment in the media.
Revolting against the bias of the BBC.
Revolting against the carefully edited TV reports and one-sided press comment. Revolting against the media silence from the leaders of our community.
We need to fight the media war where its taking place - in the media. We want the Community to rally behind an advertising campaign, delivering our message in paid-for space beyond the reach of editors' spin and imbalance. A strong simple campaign of facts, created by experts, generating far greater impact than a thousand letters or wordy emails. It doesn't mean that we will stop lobbying for fair reporting from the BBC but we need to make Israel's case now.
A recent article in the Jewish Chronicle opened the debate. Now we want to hear your opinion.
Would you like to see a campaign that revolts against the media bias? Vote now
http://www.yougov.com/standup4israel.com/survey1
Would you like to see a campaign that revolts against the media bias? Vote now
http://www.yougov.com/standup4israel.com/survey1
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
sod-uku - i'm not turning Japanese
Am I the only one - who is yet to complete a sodoku or sudoku- the "Japanese" logic game which has over the past couple of months swept the nation and is featured in all the major daily newspapers at various levels from very easy to fiendlishly difficult?
The concept, actually invented by the Swiss Calvanist mathematician Leonhard Eular in 1783 as "carrés magiques" or magic squares, a diabolical 81-square grid divided up into blocks of 3 by 3 and all you have to do - sounds terribly easy - is to fill in the grid so that every row, every column, and every 3 by 3 box contains the numbers 1 through to 9. The tinsiest twist in the tail is that no 3x3 block can repeat a number and that the horizontal and vertical column must always have the unique numbers 1 to 9 as well. Half a dozen number are provided sprinkled arose the grid to start you off.
Every time I begin optimistically forsaking pencil for pen but after around twenty minutes of head scratching, sighing, frowning and pen sucking [I knew that was a mistake] I find I have a line where the only free number is 5 but that the box already contains that dreaded number.
AAH! It's not as though Jews are not supposed to be good at logic and deductive reasoning Avi Sion even wrote a whole book Judaic logic (1995) where he proved that discovery of an explicit formulation of the principles of adduction was used in the in the Torah long before their acknowledgement in Western philosophy and their assimilation in a developed theory of knowledge (epistemology). This rich vein of reasoning has subsequently given us Wittengenstein, Spinoza, Popper, Edmund Husserl, Albert Einstein to name but a few great logicians, mathematicians and philosophers. . To say nothing of the modern orthodox who have argued that white is the new black.
Is it really just me - please confess here and given me back my self confidence. I thought that I would derive comfort and confidence from reading about others soul sapping sudoku experiences. I was hoping for a support group, mental chicken soup with barley and so on. But how to find the elusive brethren of other Jewish soduku suffers a quick check on google font of all knowledge brings up nothing for - never fear I have heard that these days the way to find out the personal experiences and confessions, help- groups and therapy is via the blogging community so I searched through Jrants and Jewishbloggers - which both brings together blogs [or on line diaries] by Jews and no one has been discussing it. Does this mean that Jews are either ignoring this exercise in rationality as beyond their ken or are happily arriving at the office every morning having smugly completed the nine squared conundrum without hesitation, deviation or repetition and I really have to admit that I am missing a fundamental part of my judaic heritage - which obviously explain all my other failures in life? Euler was fluent in loshen ha- kodesh aka Hebrew {as every nicely brought up educated Christian boy was in eighteenth century Switzerland)- does that make him the tiniest bit one of us?
By the way thanks to all those who pointed out that it is actually Su-doku i.e. "number placing" rather than Sod-uku or rather "a fever brought on by being poisoned by rats" - it is the latter feeling that I have been experiencing!
Anyone who is wondering how Euler's magic or Latin square became the Japanese sudoku. Apparently in 1984 Nikoli, a Japanese publishing house found a puzzle in American puzzle magazine, titled 'Number Place', they introduced it to their readers calling it "Suuji wa dokushin ni kagiru" which means that number is limited only single (unmarried)now abbreviated it to "Sudoku" - "SU" meaning number, "DOKU" single. In 1986 the company cunningly copyrighted the name together with the rules t1) The numbers must be arranged by symmetry pattern.
2) There are under thirty digits on the board.
and now with the craze moving back to Europe it's spiritual home they have be able to make an enormous profit!
" Fill in the grid so that every row,
every column, and every 3x3 box
.
contains the digits 1 through 9. "
The concept, actually invented by the Swiss Calvanist mathematician Leonhard Eular in 1783 as "carrés magiques" or magic squares, a diabolical 81-square grid divided up into blocks of 3 by 3 and all you have to do - sounds terribly easy - is to fill in the grid so that every row, every column, and every 3 by 3 box contains the numbers 1 through to 9. The tinsiest twist in the tail is that no 3x3 block can repeat a number and that the horizontal and vertical column must always have the unique numbers 1 to 9 as well. Half a dozen number are provided sprinkled arose the grid to start you off.
Every time I begin optimistically forsaking pencil for pen but after around twenty minutes of head scratching, sighing, frowning and pen sucking [I knew that was a mistake] I find I have a line where the only free number is 5 but that the box already contains that dreaded number.
AAH! It's not as though Jews are not supposed to be good at logic and deductive reasoning Avi Sion even wrote a whole book Judaic logic (1995) where he proved that discovery of an explicit formulation of the principles of adduction was used in the in the Torah long before their acknowledgement in Western philosophy and their assimilation in a developed theory of knowledge (epistemology). This rich vein of reasoning has subsequently given us Wittengenstein, Spinoza, Popper, Edmund Husserl, Albert Einstein to name but a few great logicians, mathematicians and philosophers. . To say nothing of the modern orthodox who have argued that white is the new black.
Is it really just me - please confess here and given me back my self confidence. I thought that I would derive comfort and confidence from reading about others soul sapping sudoku experiences. I was hoping for a support group, mental chicken soup with barley and so on. But how to find the elusive brethren of other Jewish soduku suffers a quick check on google font of all knowledge brings up nothing for - never fear I have heard that these days the way to find out the personal experiences and confessions, help- groups and therapy is via the blogging community so I searched through Jrants and Jewishbloggers - which both brings together blogs [or on line diaries] by Jews and no one has been discussing it. Does this mean that Jews are either ignoring this exercise in rationality as beyond their ken or are happily arriving at the office every morning having smugly completed the nine squared conundrum without hesitation, deviation or repetition and I really have to admit that I am missing a fundamental part of my judaic heritage - which obviously explain all my other failures in life? Euler was fluent in loshen ha- kodesh aka Hebrew {as every nicely brought up educated Christian boy was in eighteenth century Switzerland)- does that make him the tiniest bit one of us?
By the way thanks to all those who pointed out that it is actually Su-doku i.e. "number placing" rather than Sod-uku or rather "a fever brought on by being poisoned by rats" - it is the latter feeling that I have been experiencing!
Anyone who is wondering how Euler's magic or Latin square became the Japanese sudoku. Apparently in 1984 Nikoli, a Japanese publishing house found a puzzle in American puzzle magazine, titled 'Number Place', they introduced it to their readers calling it "Suuji wa dokushin ni kagiru" which means that number is limited only single (unmarried)now abbreviated it to "Sudoku" - "SU" meaning number, "DOKU" single. In 1986 the company cunningly copyrighted the name together with the rules t1) The numbers must be arranged by symmetry pattern.
2) There are under thirty digits on the board.
and now with the craze moving back to Europe it's spiritual home they have be able to make an enormous profit!
" Fill in the grid so that every row,
every column, and every 3x3 box
.contains the digits 1 through 9. "
